


To the Stars and Back

by QueerEldritchSoda



Series: Friends of L'Manburg [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerEldritchSoda/pseuds/QueerEldritchSoda
Summary: Tommy looked over the lake. It was quiet and serene. The moon's reflection danced over the water. He looked up at the millions of stars, perfectly placed as if they were on display. Oh how he wished he could fly up there!And I will, he thought. If he fell, so what? What did he have to lose? His life? He chuckled. Hardly worth living now."Please God," he whispered. "Let me have this one last time." He closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks."One last time."~~**^^**~~SUICIDE TWTommy jumps. Be careful!!
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Friends of L'Manburg [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107920
Comments: 12
Kudos: 165





	1. CHAPTER 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of my friends refuses to believe that anyone likes her stuff, so I'm proving her wrong! Feel free to drop a kudos and a comment to encourage her!! This is completely unedited, straight from her. I love it, but she doesn't listen >:(
> 
> @Ava34918149 on twitter, go hype her up 
> 
> Tommy attempts suicide by jumping off a cliff. He survives, but be careful with yourself, please.

Tommy looked over the lake. It was quiet and serene. The moon's reflection danced over the water. He looked up at the millions of stars, perfectly placed as if they were on display. Oh how he wished he could fly up there! 

He once was able to, but the gift was torn from him. And quite literally. Tommy glanced at his torso, and through the tears in his shirt he saw blood-stained bandages. He hated Dream for what he had done. Tommy always loved to fly. More than anything in the world. He wanted that back. He wanted to have it more than he wanted to see his friends.

And I will, he thought. If he fell, so what? What did he have to lose? His life? He chuckled. Hardly worth living now. So, he climbed to the highest rock he could find. He spread his arms, and felt the cool breeze on his body. The rush. That's why he loved it so.

The adrenaline pumping through his body, the hesitation, falling a bit before spreading his wings, soaring through the clouds, letting himself fall and then spreading his wings, catching himself right before he hit the ground the ground. 

"Please God," he whispered. "Let me have this one last time." He closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"One last time."

<^>

The next thing he knew, he was falling. Fast. He panicked for a moment, then relaxed. This is what he wanted. The rush. Not only that, but peace. No more fighting, no more pain. He'll be with Wilbur, the real Wilbur.

Tubbo. he thought. Still falling, he reached in his pocket. He grabbed his compass and clutched it to his heart. Tommy wanted to die with Tubbo. 

Then the water hit him, along with a harsh stab of reality. Desperately flailing around, Tommy tried to get to the surface. The water was freezing cold, and every pore his body was screaming in pain. Finally he came up to the surface gasping for air. He hastily swam towards the shore, knowing he had to get out of the water or else. 

He, exhausted, climbed out of the water and laid down on the sand, gasping. The air was cold, he could see his breath. It stung to breathe. "What was I THINKING?!" He screamed. "Jumping off of a cliff thinking I'll fly? Stupid!" He smacked his forehead.

He sat up, still breathing heavily, but slower now. He looked towards the water, at his reflection. What he saw was a weakling, a child who can't handle loneliness. He hated what he saw. And so does everyone else, he thought. All he did was cause trouble. Dream really was his only friend.

"Hello Tommy," he heard a soft, gentle voice. Tommy turned. 

"Ghostbur?"


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter baybee!!! Check this out! She wrote a new one already!! Yeaaah!!!!! And now, a quote from the amazing author: 
> 
> "Hey everyone! This is the writer! It's so kind of you all to leave kudos and messages, they really warm my heart. I worked pretty hard on this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it! Even though the end product differed a lot from what I originally planned, I still think it's pretty good. The person who posted this helped me a lot with the writing, and I'm grateful to them for that as well as posting it! Well, thank you for reading, and again, I hope you enjoy! :)"

“Tommy, why are you wet?” asked the ghost, in a concerned yet sing-songy voice. “I-I,” Tommy stuttered. Then he sighed and bowed his head. “I wanted to fly again.” He motioned his head at the rock. The ghost furrowed his brows, as if he was concentrating on something that deserved all of his attention. But then he relaxed his face into a slight smile. He kneeled on the ground, so he would be eye-to-eye with Tommy. 

“But tommy,” he replied gently. “You can’t fly. Dream cut off your wings.” He said this as if he was explaining why the sky was blue to a young child. Tommy stepped back and clenched his fists. He gritted his teeth. He was trying to contain the anger bursting inside of him, like a racehorse in the starting gate. 

“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT?!” Tommy spat, venom in his tone. Ghostbur widened his eyes and stepped back, shocked at the sudden outburst.

“I’LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH! I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF, WILBUR! I TRIED TO END IT ALL! I’M TIRED, WILBUR! OF PAIN, OF FIGHTING! I’M DONE! He was breathing heavily. There were tears streaming down his face. He dropped the compass in his hand and started running his hands through his hair. He began to pace in a circle, muttering under his breath, droplets of saliva flying out of his mouth here and there. 

“Tommy-” the ghost protested, tears of a blue substance on the edge of his eyes. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” he started to violently cough. He coughed up a cobalt blue substance, the same in his eyes. 

Tommy realized lashing out was a mistake. Whenever Ghostbur was overwhelmingly upset, he would cough like this. Tommy was extremely curious about it, but too scared to ask. He sighed. “Look Ghostbur, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out, it’s just th-that-” He paused, afraid of what he had to say. “I remember when Dream put me in that cage. I didn't know what he was doing until it was too late.” He was speaking so softly now. You could barely hear him. 

Dream ripped away the very thing Tommy loved most in the world, his wings. He remembered it so clearly. He was put in a cage. Dream drew his sword, and with one swing, blood was pouring out of his back like water out of a fountain. Tommy shuddered as his own screams of pain and agony echoed in his mind.

“It hurt.” That was all he really could say. Ghostbur played with his fingers. He wasn't good at comforting people at all. “Want some blue?” he asked quietly. 

“I dont want any FUCKING BLUE!” Tommy screamed, tears in his eyes. “That’s your problem Wilbur. You can't face shit, so you hide behind your happiness and peace! You remember everything, don't you?” Tommy squared up, the tears now pouring down his face, even though the absolute fury was obvious. 

“Tommy, I-I-” 

“DON’T YOU?!” The ghost had tracks of blue streaming down his face, as well as rolling down out of his mouth and dripping off his jawline. “You loved your country, Will. But you loved it more than you ever loved anyone. Even your own son. No wonder he wanted to be adopted by Eret. Because you were never there for him.” 

The ghost said nothing, just stared in shock. He started coughing again, but this time worse. Gasping for air between each cough, he was able to get out, “I’m- sorry- for all the-all the pain- I’ve caused you. I’ll come- come back later. Th- There's a few- few things I need to say- to my son.”

And with that, he faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to @kvaughanarts on tik tok for the au


	3. CHAPTER 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOH BOY THE FEELS TONIGHT

Tommy didn't mean all the things he'd said to the ghost. He just didn't realize it yet. He was also too mad to give a fuck. 

He started to breathe heavily, running his hands through his hair and grasping it as if he was going to rip it out. He glanced around, looking for something to take his anger out on. Then his eyes fell on the compass. 

Tubbo.

The whole reason he was out here in the first place. The whole reason he tried to kill himself 15 minutes ago. At that moment, Tommy hated Tubbo with every inch of his body. He picked up the compass. Every argument, every fight, every bump in the road between him and Tubbo was flashing before his eyes. He picked the compass up and was just about to throw it into the lake where he would never see it again, when he paused. 

He remembered. The L’Manburg Revolution. All those years ago. Dealing with Dream, handing over his most prized possessions. He remembered rejoicing with his nation. He laughed and smiled and felt happy. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time. 

He remembered Tubbo’s face when he’d told them they won. He stared back in shock for a while, then the biggest grin you’d ever seen spread across his face. He rushed to embrace his best friend. Tommy missed the feel of Tubbo’s arms around him.

He choked back tears. He remembered the horror on Tubbo’s face when his and Wilbur’s citizenship was revoked by Schlatt. How he risked everything. How he gave up everything, even one of his lives, for him. He could have had it all if he’d stay with Schlatt. He still would have had it all. But instead, he gambled with life and death. For _him_. It was all for _him_.

Tommy bit his lip. All these memories rushing back at him with a wave of pain. His knees fell, the compass dropping out of his hands. He looked down at the sand. His vision was cloudy, but he could make out droplets of water on the fine white sand. 

He couldn't take it anymore. Finally, he let it out. He let himself feel the pain, the anger, the blood boiling inside of him, the loss, the grief, the regret, the betrayal, everything. Then he let go. He kicked and screamed and sobbed and yelled and punched the sand. He saw the face of everyone who’d ever hurt him. Eret, Techno, Dream, Sapnap, George, Quackity, Schlatt, Punz, Wilbur, and even Tubbo.  
He carried on this way for a long time. When he was done, after he had cried every tear left in his body, after his blood was boiled to steam, after he’d used every ounce of energy in his body, he sat down. 

He wiped his tears, looking over the horizon. He caught the tiniest glimmer of daylight above the water’s surface. He suddenly realized how cold and tired and hungry he was. The sleepiness began to tug at his eyelids. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard a voice that made him jump. 

“Tommy why are you here.” it said, stern and demanding. Tommy sighed. 

“Hello Dream."


	4. CHAPTER 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking hell. This chapter is really good, and my friend certainly made it clear who's side she's on. If asked who I'm with, I will provide no comment :)

The masked thief stepped forward. “Answer my question.” he snapped. Tommy sighed once more. “I wanna go home.” he mumbled. “Why? I’m your friend.” Whenever Dream wanted to manipulate Tommy, he claimed that they were friends. 

Tommy scoffed. “Yeah right. Because only the best of friends cut off each other's wings and take away the very thing they love most in the world.” 

Dream stepped forward once more, but this time to smack him on the back of the head. Hard. “See?! That attitude is why you're out here.” Tommy turned his head to give him a sideways glare, then he saw the mask.

That inhuman, clear white, cracked mask. Those two dot eyes boring into Tommy’s skull. They were watching him. Following his every move. Tommy could have swore on multiple occasions that they wavered in his direction. 

His dirty expression fell. That smile always made him feel a certain...guilt. He never knew what he was guilty of, or how he even felt that way to begin with. 

A question that had been building up inside of him rose to the surface of his mind. He wasn’t sure if he should ask it or not, Tommy was always afraid of how Dream would react in any situation. He decided to go out on a limb.

“H-hey Dream?” he asked cautiously. Tommy was already on thin ice.

Dream sighed loudly. “What is it Tommy?” He asked in an exasperated tone. “Wh-why do you wear your mask?” 

Dream flinched. He didn’t expect this. No one ever asked. No one ever cared. No one knew. He decided to play it safe. “Intimidation.” he replied nonchalantly, trying to hide his panic. “Oh.” Tommy looked disappointed, but he wasn't done yet. He figured if he’d got this much out of Dream, he might as well keep chipping away at him. “Is that all?” 

Dream was about to slap Tommy across the face. Who did this kid think he was? But then an idea popped into his head. He could use this against Tommy. But to do that, he’d have to fork up some things that were long buried inside of him. 

He breathed in deeply preparing for what he was about to do. “When i was around your age, I was like you. Fiery. Determined. Ambitious. Ignorant. Then one day I decided that I wasn't gaining anything from staying protected. So I left, Tommy. I pushed it all behind me.” 

He paused. He felt a small tug of sadness and regret. But that doesn't matter now, he told himself. He kept going.

“I left to find that the world is bigger and scarier than I ever could have imagined. It’s predator versus prey, and I was at the bottom of the food chain.” He spoke aggressively, as if he was disgusted at the world. 

“I found- someone.” His voice got quieter, softer than Tommy had ever heard it before. “Someone- I thought was my friend. He wasn’t.” He paused once more. Even though his face was hidden, his voice gave away his expression of regret and pain. 

Dream looked up, just then remembering that Tommy was there. A look of shock and concern was plastered onto his face. Tommy truly believed Dream was his friend. He almost felt bad for the kid. But not bad enough.

Dream sighed. “He gave me- this.” With that he pulled off his mask, and dropped it onto the sand.


End file.
